There is a huge testing that begins when you sincerely give your life to Christ. God begins to work in you, Satan attacks you, and your sinful nature rebels against the discomfort in the midst of it… (Also, many, many, many times in your walk thereafter). The beginning is the hardest, because you are new to trusting Him and it feels tempting to seek the old life and those things that you hid in before He entered, simply for what your carnal mind falsely believes is relief. James 1:1-12
Those who were closest to me, which weren’t saved became frustrated that I wasn’t the old person they knew. They waited for this “religious” season to pass for a while, but eventually no amount of fleshly love can withstand Jesus knocking every day. It is torture to those who want to continue living in their sin and they begin to resent God’s ever presence John 3:19-20 . Further, my dad passed away unexpectedly and my young business all but collapsed, on the heels of us losing EVERYTHING including my mind for a time only a few short years prior. And beyond that, everywhere I turned I was being tested to where I believed I would break under the weight of it all. If it hadn’t been for His times of comfort and growing faith, I would have abandoned my walk altogether.
When I was at my weakest point, God showed me a powerful scripture that changed everything…
However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.” Matthew 17:20-21
Hanging onto these precious words, along with fasting and prayer as He commanded me to do, God moved. Slowly at first…There would be wonderful reprieves, followed by more pain. 2 Corinthians 3:18
I am thankful to say that God through all of it, grew in me a faith beyond measure Matt 7:25 and He always does answer our sincere prayers Matt 7:7, even if it is simply changing us rather than the situation.
I am excited to say that some of those who initially resisted are now happily joining me for bible studies every week, my business has re-grown to surpassing the level it was before, which gives me opportunities to season my words with salt Col 4:6 all the time. I don’t care about the money. It is nothing to me. I give away anything God lays on my heart to including money, because He always uses them for His good. Since I want nothing but Him, there is no need to hang on to what belongs to Him. In fact, I would willingly live in a car, go to prison or lay down my life, (in the demonic times we are being propelled into I am at peace for whatever happens beyond my control). I will never deny Him no matter what. My life here on earth is but a single heartbeat compared to eternity, so I don’t cling to anything Matt 6:19 while I remain here.
The people and things that try to rob me of joy and faith have less impact now because of my assuredness of Him Psalm 23:6. I’ve gotten to a place where I just don’t care what people think unless it is a biblical correction which I appreciate if it is done with a love rather than an offence. I am human and I can like every sincere Christian be in error. I just go to my prayer closet and give all my concerns (yes at times still weeping) to him. He knows better what to do with them than I. For the times I struggle to let go, He ministers to my heart until I am able.
I am so humbled at the love and power of God and His caring so deeply about every aspect of my life 1 Pet 5:7. He reminded me again and again during those dark hours that He was working things together for my good Rom 8:28. That He was not slow in keeping His promises 2 Peter 3:9. Most of all He is fully in control, with me safely in the palm of His hand Isaiah 41:10.
I heard a song today that I played every day during those painfully trying times, and I am so grateful for it. I would just weep and give my heavy heart to Jesus while I listened (often times on repeat). When I have trials or stumble in my sinful flesh even now, I still find myself going back to it.
If you have something you are crying out with all your heart for, whether for another’s salvation or other places you feel helpless as you cling to God’s promises… have faith and keep praying James 1:5-8. I can testify the Lord moves mightily and will bless you in ways you don’t expect 2 Cor 9:8. My heart goes out to you and I empathize with your pain.
I pray that Jesus brings you comfort and joy no matter the circumstance.